He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
