I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
