the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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