Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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