Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
kristin has been a bad kristin
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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