I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize