I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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