im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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