I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize