ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
