She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
