If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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