you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
