Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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