Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
