I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
