I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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