Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
