Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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