I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
