I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
