I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
