I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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