the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize