Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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