I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
