I puked a lego.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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