Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
