How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
