I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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