guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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