She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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