considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
