guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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