At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
