so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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