Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
