My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
