is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
