your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
