Whatcha textin bout Willis?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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