i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
