I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
