this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
