The maid of honor just puked.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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