No awkward lesbian experiences without me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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