Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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