im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
