i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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