I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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