ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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