He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
