I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
