Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
