Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
