I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
