You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
