i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
God, I missed his penis.
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