i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
