There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
