you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can I color on your dick again?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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