apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
