The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
