You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
