I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
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