i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
