he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its not stalking. its research.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
