Sacagawea was the original milf.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
