i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
