Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
