He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
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Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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