that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
