Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
