somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
