I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
