i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
