Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
