I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
