last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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