Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
