I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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