You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
