six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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