this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
