I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
