I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
