google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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