My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
