i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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