Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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