how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
